THEN AND NOW

Who I was:

Before I was poisoned, I was a Senior IT Consultant and Engineer. Large, global networks were my specialty. Secure global data, email and Web infrastructure, etc. My thought process was multi-threaded, I was able to process many things at once. In hindsight, I was a very intelligent man.

I was always an active man who always had projects for himself. I enjoyed working on houses, fixing or remodeling myself. I was always the guy you’d call if you were in trouble. If your car broke down, I was the friend you’d call to fix it for you. I always found a way and would never let you down.

Shortly after our son was born I gave up the pizza and junk I was eating and returned a fairly strict workout routine and ate clean. I was a new dad! I worked out 5-6 days per week. I started my day with 60-80 mins of intense cardio starting at 4:45AM each morning – later on Saturdays of course. I would lift weights for approximately 90 mins in the afternoon during the week. I separated my daily workouts into muscle-groups, and kept logs to track progress, intensity and heart-rate in real-time via chest strap monitor.

My Son was 15 months old when I became sick.

 

Now:

I’m like a defective battery that starts the day at 20% charge and drains rapidly. I wake up with a small, finite amount of energy for my body to function and I have very little stamina. It’s not just one muscle group – when I tire out my whole entire body is affected, muscles, brain, heart, eyes and breathing included. It’s as if I suffer a power outage that affects all of my abilities as an organism.

Despite some minor improvements in my average “low baseline” (Glutathione dependent), still, 6.5 years after becoming sick I am still largely unable to leave the house. My batteries drain too quickly and once I’ve used whatever energy I have for the day I “hit the wall” as I now call it. I still become weak and frail quickly. Once I reach this point it quickly becomes an emergency for me. I must eliminate all energy expenditure, physical, mental and visual. I do not recover. I will be weaker for weeks or even months, unlike anything I’ve ever experienced as a healthy man.  On my best days, I am unable to go with my family on outings to the park, museum, school functions, etc. nor participate in most family activities.  I am almost entirely dependent on my wife to prepare meals for me and make sure I take my supplements. I am unable to do laundry, dishes or any of life’s tasks that I used to take for granted. All of it requires more stamina than I have and costs more energy than I can afford to spend. I have been unable to take my son anywhere on my own and unable to spend much meaningful interactive time with him. Nikki is responsible for it all.

I live in a world of substantial and absolutely constant pain. I have little to no physical stamina and my muscles fatigue extremely fast. I am weak and the small amount of movement and activity I do have not only takes an extraordinary amount of effort but has a very high physical cost attached. Meaning when I ‘over-do’ it, the symptoms not only get worse but my baseline is lowered for months at a time. I have substantial mental challenges as well: The world happens far too fast for me to process. I can become easily confused and feel disoriented. I find it nearly impossible to concentrate and I often struggle hard for words when communicating at any level above easy/small talk. At times even small talk is rough for me.

The brain fog, slowness of mind varies in intensity just as my visual and heart issues do.  The intensity of most of my symptoms varies as a group. All seem directly related to how much I try to do physically or mentally.

My world has to happen very slowly now. I have difficulty communicating via phone, even to family or friends. The conversations happen too quick for me to follow and I get confused.

My eyes have a difficult time processing and the words look like noise to my eyes. As with the rest of my symptoms, the intensity of my doubled-blurred vision follows my overall energy baseline. As my batteries drain my body becomes heavier, moving takes far more effort, the pain is increased significantly, my mind is slower, my eyesight becomes worse,

I cannot play with my son much for the same reasons. Even when I can muster enough physical energy/ability to go to the room where he and Nikki and are playing, I cannot visually or mentally keep up. Even if all they’re doing is sitting on the floor playing with Legos, I feel lost and confused mentally and visually – on top of the increased pain and mobility issues gained from walking the 80ft to where they are.

Resting is not any easier. I have an extremely difficult time falling and staying asleep because of the pain. During the day I cannot nap for the same reason – the pain. I cannot sit in one spot for too long before a different kind of pain makes that impossible. I constantly try my best to move as much as I can to avoid the intense pain that builds and shoots down my legs when sitting for more than 10-15 mins (generally). This doesn’t simply go away with time, the added pain lasts days or weeks, even months.

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