Last night while on Facebook, I had met a woman who was trying to support the love of her life, Jeff, through a severe reaction to Levaquin. He is now bedridden as I was, and seeing his picture somehow brought back a lot of the pain and fear that live in shadows of memories from my nightmare.
See the thing is, I didn’t have help. For those first 18 mos or so where I was bedridden, I had no idea what was happening to me. I didn’t have a Doctor of any type who believed me, and my mind was so horribly affected that I couldn’t explain what was happening to me. To anyone – I was too confused. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t use my mind to help myself. And worse still, I lost my ability to even produce a voice. So there was a time I was completely trapped, I was unable to move, think or speak. It was like being in a coma while awake. I remember the terror and I will never, ever forget the pain.
But I was a new Father, I could not fail my Son. Every day I tried to stand. There wasn’t a single day that I didn’t fight to walk. Even if all I could do was move my wrist or shoulder. Didn’t matter, I fought back. All I wanted to do was make it to the other side of the house where he was. I could hear him playing all day. But most days, I couldn’t move my limbs. Only my wrists. But I fought. And you will too.
The point is to pay no mind to how much it hurts or what you can’t do. Fight back. I would fall, I would often black out. But I didn’t care. I fought from a place inside I never knew existed. You’re alive today. You can kiss your kids, you can smell the air and you can hear the wind. I know it sounds crazy, but that is where life is. Live in those moments you do get. No matter how brief. Those will be the memories that will carry you through your darkest times.
My mental abilities are continuing to slowly improve, I can finally start to share my story. I’d like to hear from you as well. Please feel free to use the Contact Me page at the top and certainly please feel free to leave comments. It’d be nice for me to know I’ve reached those who needed it.
Expect to see many more posts and videos. But until then, I leave you with Hope.