Today is a typical day

Today is a typical day.

Nikki just took our little boy to the playground. And as always I am at home, too weak to go. I am always weak. Although I do get minor, short-lived bits of increased energy and ability, I am still weak and slow. When I over-do it by pushing my body to move or the more I try to do, the worse it gets. I will hit the wall sooner and with much more intensity. The pain I cause myself from forcing myself to move doesn’t go away with rest. It will last weeks or months, lowering my baseline. Two weeks ago I ‘over-did’ it by simply trying to mop the floor. That caused me to hit the wall hard.

I woke up this morning in pain, my legs are more intensely painful than the rest of my body. But I feel pain/discomfort all over my body. Even have sensations of numbness and slight tingles in my face. My arms are heavy, legs heavy. Mentally I feel like I’m in a daze of some sort, substantial brain fog. It varies in intensity and as the day goes on, the pain and sensations escalate and other issues like my eye sight and mental functions deteriorate.

At some point today I will hit the wall as I always do. When I hit the wall the pain and sensations become dramatically worse and I slow down as a whole. My eyes get tired easily, causing the blurred and doubled vision to become notably worse. My mind gets softer, I become even more easily confused and disoriented.  I have a much harder time walking and my movements become much more difficult and very slow.

As I write this, I feel that pain shooting down the back of both legs (I’m in a chair with 2 cushions) plus the flesh all over my body feels numb like it’s asleep. Face and eyes feel it too. Flesh is very noticeably tight, getting tighter. The tightening of my abs, chest and arms make me feel like I’m being pulled inward towards a fetal position.  My eyes feel numb, vision bouncing and doubling a little more. Burning painful sensation all over, like I have acid for blood. Intensely painful cramped muscles in legs and outer glutes. Same with shoulders, chest etc, but at a lower intensity than my lower body. My face too.






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