Recorded scrap of paper – Christmas 2013 breakdown

Christmas 2013, I broke down and I cried…

It’s uh, it’s Christmas. And uh, you know, I never get a break from this.  But it’s Christmas. And uh, my little boy was so excited to play Battleship. And I haven’t played it since I was a kid and I thought it’d be so much fun. I played on his side and Mama was on the other side. And uh, and it was physically hard to sit there, and you know, there was a lot of light in the room – I can transcend that – and I was having a good time, except that all those little holes in the board – the fast pace of the game, even though it’s not a fast paced game – the intellectual engaging of trying to figure out ‘Okay… I missed on this spot, is there a battleship on this spot’, you know, whatever.

It just irritated my brain so much and I tried so hard – to uh – to not let it show. But it irritated my brain so much that I’m now in such an irritable mood. Not towards my family, you know, cus I don’t take it out on my family at all.  But I was in such a great mood, it’s Christmas.

You know, and uh, my body. I get through what my body does. But I just wanted to play a game with my little boy. And uh, I cant ‘ – I can’t do anything.  You know? I can’t play any games that tug at my brain at all because it irritates it so bad. I can’t do anything physically. But why do you got to take my brain? I just wanted to sit there with my little boy. And play a game. It’s 5 years later and I still can’t play a game. I just want some minor little bit of existence here, you know.  I bet you all the f**kers who did this to me are sitting with their kids. They’re having no problem playing a game. They have no problems taking their money and going home.  Look what they did to me. I just want to play a f**king game.  Give me just ONE day… It’s f**king Christmas!

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