Yesterday was a brutal day. But the love and support I’ve received had both shocked and humbled me. It worked, and I have overcome so far. I love you all, and with you I share these moments.
At bedtime, my son likes to lay with Daddy and just talk. He told me about a part of his day that really hurt his feelings.
At lunch, he spilled his yogurt on his shorts and had to change them. The ‘Lunch Teacher’ scolded and told him he did it on purpose. He was so upset because he didn’t, it was an accident. But she refused to believe him. My Son is forged of the highest grade of character, and is so true in his heart that this really crushed him.
I looked him in the eyes and said:
“I don’t care what she said, look at me”… “would you ever lie to Daddy?”
“Was it an accident?” I asked…
“It was Dad”.
I crouched down to his level, looked into his eyes and said…
“I believe you.”
His crying stopped. Then our real talk began.
I told him of a story when I was in 1st Grade.
“I got in big trouble because someone wrote on my desk in green marker. Even though I didn’t even have markers at all and couldn’t have done it, they didn’t believe me. No matter what I said. I know how that feels buddy, and I’m sorry you had to feel that. But it’s just part of what’s made me the Man I am today, and it made me grow stronger.”
“How’d THAT make you stronger Dad?”
“Well Mijo, as you grow through life, you’ll find that sometimes the world just isn’t fair. No matter how true your heart is, no matter how honest or even how right you may be, there are times where it just won’t be fair.”
“Yea, the lunch teacher sure wasn’t too fair Dad”
“Yep. But here’s the thing Mijo. You had a choice. You could either just walk away crying and feel defeated, or you can hold your ground. State your truth,believe in youself and never waiver in that belief. Stand up for yourself, even if no one believes you. You made the right choice.”
There will be times in your life where that’s all you have it seems. That inner voice that tells you that you’re okay. An inner calm that is yours because you believe in yourself in a such a way that it cannot be broken. By anyone. Ever. Even if you find yourself standing alone, you always stand. Your most important belief is your belief in yourself. No matter what. Live true and hold that inner voice close.
I didn’t realize how much Aedan knows or has seen. He said
“like that stupid pill Dad”… “you believed in yourself and never gave up, and look what you can do now”
Took me by surprise it did. I didn’t see the parallel myself, he’s a very old soul.
“Exactly” I said.
If I’d have said another word, I’d have started cryin like a little girl with a skinned knee.
I guess what I’m trying to say is this:
No matter what you’re facing, believe. If you’re reading this and you too are finding yourself fighting against the grain, know that there are others who understand. But you cannot allow your inner voice to be drowned.
I was trying to teach my Son a very important lesson. But in true Aedan fashion, he turned it around and accidentally reminded me of the same lesson. I gather that its true; your Children record everything you say or do. They’re always learning from you, so make good and damn sure you teach them well.
To those of you reading who feel so alone, feel that no matter how hard you fight – no one believes you – I leave you this:
Tune into that inner voice like a radio station. Turn up the volume, play it loud. It may take what seems like an eternity. But that inner voice that tells you you’re okay, that tells you this IS happening no matter what the Dr’s or ‘system’ tries to tell you… that voice may be all you have. For many years. But know that you WILL prevail.
But only if you believe.
I don’t think this makes a lot of sense. Its really a mash-up of several thoughts at once.
But I believe, I always have. And I never gave up. They kicked me out of ICU and told me – in front of my family – that I was crazy. This wasn’t happening. For years I heard that.
Ask me when you’re older my Son. I have a story to tell you.
I hope you can take something away from this.
I love you all. Thank you for reading.
Your Brother in Fight,